Here is what I propose drinking and when, broken down by category.

Team Scoring / Result

• Try is scored – 2 fingers
• Penalty awarded – 1 finger
• Successful penalty / drop goal / conversion (unless scored by Jonny Wilkinson or Dan Carter) – 1 finger
• The attempt at goal hits the posts – another 1  finger
• …and still goes over – another 1 finger
• Penalty try – finish your drink
• Match ends in a draw – Down an entire drink
• A team gets nilled – Down an entire drink
• A team makes a century – Down an entire drink

General

• Yellow card – down half your drink
• Red card – down an entire drink
• TMO is consulted – 1 finger
• A good punch – 2 fingers
• Mass brawl / “99″ – down an entire drink
• A kick-off doesn’t go 10 – 3 fingers
• There’s a streaker – entire drink
• Substitution – 1 finger
• Blood substitution – 2 fingers

National Anthems

• 1 finger for every player not singing
• 1 finger for every player crying

New Zealand

• Richie McCaw cheats – 1 finger
• Richie McCaw cheats and gets penalised – 2 fingers
• Richie McCaw cheats, gets caught AND binned – down an entire drink
• Dan Carter misses a shot at goal – 3 fingers
• New Zealand choke – down an entire drink
• New Zealand’s 24 year drought is mentioned – 1 finger

England

• Jonny Wilkinson misses a shot at goal – 3 fingers

France

• “But which France are going to turn up?” or similar – 1 finger

Wales

• Gavin Henson is mentioned – 1 finger
• Shane is described as a “wizard” – 1 finger
• The less-than-glowing Welsh track record against Pacific Island teams is referenced – 1 finger.

Scotland

• Fail to score a single try – Entire drink

South Africa

• Steyn goes for a 50m+ drop goal – 1 finger
• Nelson Mandela is talked about or shown -  2 fingers

Player and coach interviews

• “Physicality” is mentioned – 1 finger
• “Fronting up” is mentioned – 1 finger

ITV commentary

• Jonny Wilkinson is mentioned – 1 finger
• 2003 is mentioned – 1 finger
• Clive Woodward is mentioned – 1 finger
• That sodding drop goal is mentioned – 1 finger
• That sodding drop goal is actually shown – 2 fingers
• Someone queries how the current game will affect England’s chances (if it’s a game actually in England’s pool) – 1 finger
• Someone queries how the current game will affect England’s chances (if it’s NOT a game in England’s pool) – 2 fingers
• Someone dares bring up the fact that New Zealand played South Africa in 1995 suffering from food poisoning – finish an entire drink
• …in front of Francois Pienaar – Finish 2 drinks.
• Anyone side-stepping is compared to Jason Robinson – 1 finger
• The camera focuses for an inordinate amount of time of an attractive girl in the crowd – 1 finger

Wales beat England at Twickenham for the first time in TWENTY years today.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Thank you Will Greenwood for completely ruining the South Africa V Argentina game with endless references to the England squad, and selling Josh Lewsey’s injury the previous night like he’d been shot.  I’m not the only one to notice this:

Facebook group

Thread moaning about him on ITV’s forums

The Will Greenwood Drinking game

How Will Greenwood are you?

If there’s any justice in the world he will never, ever be let anywhere near a microphone again.

The title of this post has been shamelessly SEO’d in the hope that he’s vain enough to input “orange lamborgini” and “london” or “docklands” to see if anyone’s mentioned him. Well congratulations pal, you got my attention. Now fuck off to Silverstone where you can race it properly without interrupting my conversation.

P.S. My grumpiness has nothing to do with England beating Australia at the rugby. Honest.

In one respect I feel sorry for him – he had stated that the role of head coach was his dream job. For that dream to turn sour so quickly has to hurt. Add to that the stress that the last few months must surely have taken on his physical and mental health and you have a most unfortunate situation.

In another respect, I am glad he’s gone. For a substantial six-figure salary he’s done pretty much nothing with the squad. The Six Nations was a disaster, the only saving grace being our defeat of England. Having defeated our old enemy our previous failing were forgotten. Next, in preparation for the World Cup he fed England a third-rate side and we were left reeling at a 62-5 defeat at Twickenham. To show England the disrespect of fielding an untested team at Twickenham is bad enough, the very fact he’d consider playing anything other than our finest against our traditional enemy was a kick in the teeth for Welsh supporters. The final straw was our poor World Cup form, during which we only seemed to want to play in second halves. Simply not good enough.

Roger Lewis, WRU chief executive, went to great effort during the press conference to emphasize that Jenkins’ sacking did not constitute the finger of blame pointing at him, and went so far as to say the decision was for Jenkins’ own good. I don’t dispute that decision – though I consider myself level-headed enough to realise that there were 15 men on the pitch who played a large part in the Welsh failing – a lot of folk aren’t, and the WRU has pre-empted the witch hunt by ousting Jenkins immediately. Good call.

So, who next for Wales? Early names being thrown around are John Kirwan and Scott Johnson. I personally can’t see Scott Johnson returning to Wales, but according to the “next Wales coach” market that’s already opened at bookmakers William Hill, he’s the early favourite.

Words can barely express how utterly devastated I am. However, I am a product of my surroundings – the Welsh media are always giving us a false sense of hope, reminding us we are a rugby nation, our proud rugby history. Any days of Welsh rugby pride certainly are history – discounting the Grand Slam of 2005 we really haven’t done terribly much. We were awesome in the 1970s, sure, but were we world beaters?

It’s time for a harsh reality check for us Welsh fans – all of our grand victories are regarded by the rest of the world to be flukes. Every team has an off day. For every 27-18 whipping we give England, England marginally nip past by 62-5. Remember when we beat South Africa? Well that was 8 years ago, and the only time we ever beat them. Remember when we beat New Zealand? Er, no, me neither. Don’t get me wrong, I WANT Wales to win, and I want them to be great, but much like an alcoholic has to admit they have a problem before the road to recovery begins, so do we. And right now, the problem lies in Gareth Jenkins’ hands.

There is one school of thought which hypothesises that this loss to Fiji will be the catalyst for Gareth Jenkins’ departure/removal from the head coach position, a move that will no doubt be egged on mercilessly by the press in Wales. Do I think Gareth Jenkins should go? I don’t know. What I’d love to know, however, is just why the hell Mike Ruddock left. He led the Wales squad – a team largely the same as the squad which faced yesterday’s cruel fate – to a Grand Slam in 2005. Less than a year later he was gone, citing “family reasons”. (Incidentally, there are plenty of rumours around about the circumstances involved, though I doubt the real reason provides remotely as much gossip value. I’m not going to publish those rumours here for fear of a libel suit, you can ask around for yourself…)

I think there’s an interesting parallel between the Welsh rugby side and the English football squad. The Welsh media builds up the Welsh rugby team in the same way that the English press builds up the English football team and finger-points at their coach for their losses. We’re always supposed to “accept our defeats and come out stronger” or “learn from our mistakes”. The fact is, much like the England football team, we haven’t been any good for decades. The difference is, England won football’s World Cup. St. Jonny Wilkinson (and some other people too) won a rugby world cup.

And they don’t shut up about it.

Tomorrow, I travel to Cardiff to see Wales versus Australia. It appears that the Aussies already think they have a hand on the victory, but I’m convinced the match will be close. In their last two matches in Cardiff in 2005 and 2006 respectively, Wales have won 24-22 and drawn a game 29-29. Anyway, I bought the tickets last autumn so the anticipation for tomorrow’s game will be nearly a year in the making. I hope the wait proves worth it.

France v Argentina - What an upset! France, hosts of the World Cup, and in the first game of the tournament – in Paris – choked big time, leeting the Argies win a hard fought game.

New Zealand v Italy – Let’s be clear: Italy aren’t bad at all. Yet New Zealand walked it. Hopefully they’ll choke at a crucial point and be denied the World Cup yet again, despite being heavy favourites from the start.

Wales V Canada - The first half of this match hurt to watch. Wales, who were 1/100 favourites before the game started, leaked three tries en route to being on the losing side at half time. James Hook seemed struck by stage fright, and the introduction of Gareth Thomas and Stephen Jones finally turned the game around.

England V USA – England, the defending champions no less, were bossed about by the Americans and rarely showed any inclination to put some real points on the board. The commentators, meanwhile, went on about how they thought it was a psychological ploy to make the South Africans think they have an easy time this Friday. England aren’t that clever.

Ireland V Namibia – Either Ireland were really awful or Namibia played a great game. I haven’t decided

Scotland v Portugal – A dull performance from Scotland brightened up by the obvious joy that the Portuguese took in just being at the World Cup.

Samoa V South Africa – Brian Habana is simply outstanding, I feel that Samoa’s heavy loss might have turned out a little different if it weren’t for him. A hard-hitting game, I’m sure they’re all incredibly sore today.

Australia V Japan – Australia racked up a truly enormous score against the Japanese, utterly dominating and looking a massive threat to the Welsh on Saturday. (I’ll be there.)

They are dangerous, they can cause spinal damage, broken bones, shoulder and neck injuries. Banned in all forms of the game, guilty tacklers are often subject to fines or suspensions.

I think we’ve established that spear tackles are a very bad thing. So, prepare to feel guilty as you enjoy these videos. [Today's spear tackle hasn't made it onto Youtube, I'll update this post with it when it surfaces.]

Spear tackle on Richie McCaw, New Zealand v Australia
Saturday, August 19th, 2006

Australian winger Lote Tuqiri was handed a 5 match ban for this belter.

George Gregan’s yellow card Spear Tackle, Brumbies vs. Highlanders

Morne Steyn spear tackle on flanker Jacques Botes

A masterclass in how to earn a red card.

Some more big hits (not spear tackles, but devastating nonetheless) for your viewing pleasure

“What a hit! Look at this for timing…it’s exquisite, and I know it hurts.”

The commentator says it all.

Sébastien Chabal’s destroys Masoe

Simply punishing.

Butch James big tackle

Oo err, how’s that for a risque title?