Mathew Browne

Good question.

This is a place for me to post random “off-topic” articles pertaining to my interests outside of the world of web development. As I’m a professional web designer, being a geek is part of the job description, so expect to see plenty of posts about video games, professional wrestling, TV, music, computers… anything except “on-topic” posts about web design, search engine optimisation (SEO), and the state of the web generally.

Whether I have the time to post all this material is another matter entirely.

And who are you exactly?
I’m Mathew Browne, a freelance web designer from the United Kingdom. MB Web Design is my business, www.mbwebdesign.co.uk is my domain name, this is my site. What you’re reading now, however, is my personal blog. Nothing to do with web design, nothing to do with search engines and nothing to do with HTML. In fact, this blog really is just a big self-indulgence.

What are all these adverts on this blog?
[If you did actually ask yourself this question, then clearly I finally got round to adding the adverts.] There should be adverts to third parties featured on this blog, provided via Google AdSense. This is the only area of the site where you may expect to see external advertising. As this blog serves no business purpose - it is solely a place to post “off topic” links, articles, photos and random thoughts that others might appreciate - I thought I’d try to fund this blog by other means. Without veering too much into “on topic” territory, blog advertising is a contentious issue - this will be an interesting exercise in online advertising if nothing else. (Now please click on the pretty adverts.)

And now for the tough questions:

Sonic or Mario?
Sonic. I never owned a Nintendo as a kid, so for pure nostalgia, Sonic wins it. Mario 64, however, is the greatest game I’ve ever played.

Ryu or Ken?
Ken. His Dragon Punch has flames.

Coke or Pepsi?
Can I have Mountain Dew instead?

Axl or Slash?
Tough call. Slash, because he still puts out records.

Tea or Coffee?
Nothing, nothing beats a cup of tea. (I hate to play up to British stereotype but it truly is the finest drink.)

Blur or Oasis?
1996 says hello. I didn’t care then and I care even less now.

Nintendo Wii, Xbox 360 or Playstation 3?
It’s the Wii for me. Despite the silly name. I’d really like one for my birthday. (Louise, this is aimed at you.)

Now that rant mode is switched off.

Currently watching/recently watched:
- Robot Chicken :: excellent call Barney
- The X Files :: bought the complete DVD box set, feels like its 1994 again
- Dark Angel :: not bad, though Jessica Alba’s character way overdoes the pretend-black-speak. Did James Cameron forget his lead character was white along the way or something?
- Creep :: Not the greatest film, but still enjoyable to see Lola running again, this time from Token Horror Monster un the tunnels next to Charing Cross tube station (factual error: Jubilee line trains don’t run through Charing Cross)
- Taken :: Was a bit slow-paced for Louise’s taste, but I found it utterly absorbing. Spielberg done good again. Dakota Fanning, however, is almost certainly Satan.
- Rugby, lots of it :: Got to watch these things while they’re on BBC and not nicked by Rupert Murdoch. Last weekend of it coming up, and my boys are taking on the All Blacks. By ‘taking on’ I mean ‘trying, probably unsuccessfully, to stop’. I’ve had a moderately successful run of bets on the games too, thanks in no small part to my good friend Tom who is now offically my personal rugby pundit and tipster.
- Random people videoblogging on Youtube :: I don’t give a damn about these people or their videos in the slightest, but it’s quite comforting to have in the background when you’re working. (I’m one of those people that works best when there’s background noise)

What I haven’t been watching
- Lost :: Sky have now got the rights to show it in what is a genius business move (let Channel 4 build up the fan base and shell out on promotion, then outbid them when the contracts up for renewal). On a personal level, however, I’m gutted. I’m sure there must be *some* way I can watch it…

I found a cracking website (albeit not bookmarked on this computer) which has all of my old MS-DOS favourites: Commander Keen, Jill of the Jungle, Wizkid, Captain Comic, The Incredible Machine etc. They have not aged well.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ICoDFooBXpU

It’s quite astounding - perhaps sad - how dependent I am on my email and Internet access. The former, thanks to some technical cock-up at UCL, has been unavailable for 48 hours and I’m totally lost. Wishful thinking and pressing the Send/Receive button are in vain. If it was possible to exert physical wear-and-tear on an on-screen button, the Send/Receive button in Outlook would have melted.

The Missus bought me Smackdown Vs Raw 2006 and Sonic Mega Collection on PS2 for my birthday. Fantastic choices.

Finally, an addendum to the post-before-last: I’ve also got a web design job lined up to redesign the online store of a big telecoms supplier AND I sold the bike I won a few months ago. My ISA won’t know what’s hit it…

I was accused yesterday of being sad. Not sad in the depressed sense of the word either. Now let’s just review the evidence shall we?

- Today I got up at the break of dawn to queue in the freezing cold in order to obtain a wristband that provides me access to an autograph signing. The celebrity in question is a wrestler.
- I then had McDonalds breakfast. On my own. (By that I mean I was the only customer in the store.)
- I then actually LOL’d (”laughed out loud”) when a monitor in the window of Silverscreen was displaying the blue screen of death.
- I just used the terms “LOL’d” and “blue screen of death” and it doesn’t feel that stupid.
- I am now sitting at my computer listening to a playlist which includes the Beach Boys, the theme music of the Cannonball Run, and four Street Fighter music discs, which were only released in Japan.
- Having just eaten one of those Kinder Hippo things.

Now come on. Does that sound like the diary of a sad man to you? What? Yeah, well fuck you for thinking it!

Christmas is nearly upon us, and as if it hasn’t already been sodded up enough for me, I’m now starting a cold. I’ve become very efficient at being ill during Christmas - in fact, I racked up five consecutive Christmasses in bed coughing, sniffing, wheezing, sneezing and spluttering. Though obviously I haven’t been so ill I couldn’t open my presents. I’d have to be comatose for that.

Speaking of presents, in the context of a conversation about atrocious customer services, I managed to blurt out that I’d bought a present for the Missus from play.com. Bugger.

The conversation about crappy CS came about because Bulldog Broadband had helpfully neglected to deactivate my account yesterday, despite my giving them a month’s notice, as specified in their terms and conditions. Then some rude boy phone monkey tried to tell me I’d have to wait until January to rid myself of their shitty service. I didn’t put up with it. Shortly, he assured me it would be gone as of Monday. Woooo! The only snag is, when I reconnect to BT I have to get a new phone number.

While I’m having a public whinge, I should mention the fact I stripped the skin off my left thumb furiously playing X-Men Vs. Street Fighter on my Playstation last night. It doesn’t hurt as much as one would think, given how hideous it looks. Despite this, I spent the afternoon painting. albeit gingerly to avoid infecting my fresh wound with delicious acrylic goodness.

I went to Newham council’s free fireworks display in Beckton yesterday evening, which was fun. Quite a lot of mouthy chav children and teens though, who - judging by the average age of the many single mums there - get laid more often than I do. The grand finale of the display was very impressive. It was as if the sky had mortally offended their mum and they were seeking revenge against it. (Hence the title of this post.)

Then I got a call from a friend I haven’t seen for months telling me to meet him in a bar near Trafalgar Square at 10:30. So me and the Missus go along, knowing that we’d only be staying about an hour so we wouldn’t risk missing the last tube home. And then we waited. And waited. After an hour I got impatient and we went home. Bit gutted really, especially as I didn’t even get a text to say “never mind, see you next time”.

I guess that’s a case of karma for you. Henry, another friend of mine, who was with said friend at the time, was running a play this week in Islington that I didn’t bother going to see. His timing wasn’t excellent - he booked it from November 1st through November 5th. This was up against the free fireworks display from the comfort of my living room on Saturday, which was the only day I would have entertained the notion of going. The weekday performances were at 9:30 in the evening, which proved problematic - I could either stay at UCL then travel up later, which would mean 4 hours of killing time, or go home then go back into London to see the play. This would have meant a 90-115 minute round trip to see a 60 minute play. Plus, in the case of the days where I have work the next day and presuming I’d be staying afterwards for a drink - which I’d be expected to - I’d have ended up home about midnight, which is waaaaay past my bedtime. (I need 10 hours sleep to function.) I haven’t had the balls to apologise yet.

My spirits have been lifted by the huge free fireworks display I was treated to this evening, all from the comfort of my living room balcony. On the dock, the local resident’s association had loaded a barge chock-full of pretty explosives. I took some pretty awesome photos, which I will put online later and change this sentence to be a link to it. So, if you just read that, I still haven’t gotten round to it.

I am currently selling my huge Playstation game collection because (a) I could do with some extra bread (b) I don’t have the storage/shelving space to accommodate them all (c) I don’t have the time to play them anymore. So, at the time of writing I have 205 listings on eBay, with more to go on. The great thing is, I always bought the games in job lots where the average cost per game never came to more than £2(*) but individually many of them are worth more. Some a LOT more. Sadly, eBay’s listing fees, completion fees, and Paypal fees (if applicable) will eat away into my profits like a hungry fat bird.

* The exception to this rule is the game Kula World, which I bought for £35. It usually sells for £45-£50 second-hand. Owing to the fact that no-one bought it while it was originally out, only for it to be declared a classic game later, this is one of only a handful of games that has actually gone up in value. I’m keeping it not because it’s value is going up, but because it is - as correctly hailed by game critics in hindsight - a classic.

The entry in my Outlook calendar was:
“October 7: Your 2 year anniversary. Forget this and Louise WILL kill you to death.”
Thankfully I have remembered.

Still waiting for my solicitor to send me a draft of the letter he’s sending to my ex-landlord.

Also, got my Flash Advance linker for Louise’s Nintendo DS. If you don’t know what one of these does… then I’m not telling you. Just know that it rocks. As do I.

I’ve got 137 of 150 stars on Mario 64 DS. I should never have started playing it - all other games I ever play on it will seem crap by comparison.

Saw the new WWE Ultimate Warrior DVD tonight. Unlike other DVDs that WWE puts out, the sole reason they’ve released this is to bury the guy. A generation of guys like me grew up watching the Ultimate Warrior on Saturday mornings, and everyone of those will tell you he was awesome. Or that he knew a good pharmacist.

To the uninitiated, the Ultimate Warrior was this massive wrestler in the WWF (as it used to be called before the pandas and wildlife people took the initials back…) who used to have this killer rock entrance music, wearing war paint, leg it down to the ring, beat the shit out of his opponent, and leg it out of there. All in about two minutes. The guy only ever lost once that I can recall.

Of course, I’m older and wiser. I realise that, for a wrestler, refusing to lose is not good business - it makes everyone else look weak. Especially when you beat each of them in the time it takes your Average Joe to make a cup of tea.

Also, his interviews were longer than hs matches by a considerable margin and made fuck all sense. Actual quote: “I only breathe the air that smells of combat”. Indeed. Sounds like an Iron Maiden lyric. Maybe his arm bands were cutting off his circulation that day and making him feel a little woozy. Or maybe it was the daily fistful of steroids he chowed down.

So, this DVD I’m watching tonight tells the “other” story of the Ultimate Warrior - that he was a self-confessed steroid abusing homophobe, who was such an screwball that he actually changed his full, legal name to Warrior. No surname, just Warrior.

EDIT (24-Sep-05): I read on the Wrestlecrap message boards that he has a daughter called Arizona. Arizona Warrior. It must suck to have a fruitcake for a Dad and a name that sounds like a shit Western.